You Asked for It
by snapesgirl21
Summary: When Ranger plants a listening device in Stephanie's car and refuses to remove it, she has to get inventive to get her way. One-shot, recently updated with minor changes and corrections.


A/N: This was just a little one-shot that popped into my mind. I've recently updated it to correct a few errors and to add a little extra to it. Happy reading! And I clearly am not Janet Evanovich, so I make no profit and no copyright infringement is intended.

Stephanie's POV

I had been slightly annoyed but slightly gushing when Ranger presented me with a Porsche Cayenne to use all the time after we officially became a couple. My feminist instincts told me that I should buy my own car and reject his offer. But the self-indulgent side of me loved the Cayenne and the fact that I didn't have to pay for it or the insurance, so I decided to let it go on just this one issue.

That was until I found out the car was bugged. I had noticed Ranger making comments during the first couple of days after he gave me the car about things that had happened that he wouldn't know about, but it wasn't unusual for information to get back to Ranger so easily. It was on the third day when it hit me that the car might be bugged. When I had asked him about it, I had received a standard reply of "Babe". I had demanded he remove it but he refused, saying it was there to make sure I was safe. He went on to say that the guy monitoring the cars wasn't listening to my conversations, but was there to make sure I wasn't in trouble and that assistance could be provided if on a difficult takedown.

Pissed off, I decided to test the limits. I wondered how far I would need to go before Ranger would take the bug out of the car.

The next day, I got online and put some of the most annoying songs I could find on my iPod, then plugged it into the Cayenne and drove around singing at the top of my lungs. I've been told before my singing could be used as a form of torture and would likely achieve accurate results within minutes. I told Lula and Connie of my plan, so they joined me in the car and we drove to Point Pleasant for lunch, all the while singing at the top of our voices. When I got back to Rangeman at the end of the day, Hal, who had been monitoring cars, looked like he had a migraine but still smiled when I waved to him. I went into Ranger's office, hoping he'd say that Hal had threatened to quit over my singing voice and that the device would be removed that day. When he saw me, he merely shook his head and smiled, telling me not to quit my day job.

The following day, I decided to up the ante. Lula had been reading the _Fifty Shades of Grey_ books and had told me how raunchy they were. I managed to find the first book on CD at the library, so I popped the disc into the car and started listening. I had picked Lula up and we went after a couple of skips. During that time, Lula told me that we needed to skip a few chapters ahead in the book in order to get to the kinky sex, so she found the right spot and told me to get ready for some kinky shit.

I don't normally blush, but the things mentioned in the book were making it happen. Lula was fanning herself, and rolled down the window.

"Girl, I may need to get Tank home for a nooner today. I'm all hot, and I need to test out this trick with the riding crop to my doo-dah. "

I nearly gagged trying to get the image of Tank, a riding crop and Lula's doo-dah out of my head. Today's trick was punishing me as well.

"And then," Lula continued, "after he's had his nasty way with me, I'm gonna spend the afternoon with my favorite vibrator, imaging Ranger doing those things to me."

"Hey," I said, "that's my boyfriend. Stick to your own."

"Just because he's yours in real life don't mean the rest of us can't fantasize."

At the end of the second day, I noticed Hal wasn't on the car monitors anymore, and the guy sitting there, Woody, looked slightly nauseous. Again, I walked into Ranger's office and thought I'd be told the listening device had seen its last day.

"I've had to give my guys hazard pay for the last two days worth of listening to you, babe. But it's worth it to make sure you aren't being held hostage," he said, knowing he was pissing me off.

I thought the third day had to be the charm. I had learned from Lula, who had reenacted Fifty Shades of Grey with Tank, that the car came with video as well. He also let slip that he had been made to go on car monitoring duty the next morning because everyone else in the office had refused. I think he was desperate for the device to be removed as well. I put on a low-cut, partially see through shirt with a very skimpy bra that morning. I readjusted my boobs every so often, just to give a good show. I then stopped by the bonds office and told Lula and Connie I needed to get really dirty in order to bring an end to this nonsense. Lula had the perfect idea, so we piled into the Cayenne for a lunch at Pino's.

"Stephanie, you need to tell us about your sex life. You do nothing by smile these days because you are getting laid, but we need details. Measurements, favorite positions, how long does he last and so forth," Lula said as we drove away from the bonds office.

I shrugged. "To be honest, it's really nothing spectacular with Ranger." I held my breath for moment in case God decided to strike me down for such a blatant lie.

"How long does he last?" Lula asked, turning in her seat to face me.

"A couple of minutes," I replied.

Lula feigned disgust. "That's it? Hell girl, you're barely in the room and he's done. Do you have the fake the big O?"

"If I'm not going to tell him that, I'm definitely not going to tell you," I said, mustering up all of the dignity I could while lying.

"Let's get to the important question: how big is he?" Connie asked, leaning forward.

"I've never measured. I'm more of a visual person." I replied, fighting the urge to crack up.

"Hold on," Lula said as we were passing a convenience store. "I'll go inside and get a bunch of different size bananas and you can tell us which is the closest."

Lula returned within five minutes holding a large assortment of bananas.

I began perusing the bananas. "I need to look at these to figure out how big he is," I said, tapping my finger to my lips.

"How big is Tank?" Connie asked Lula.

"Oh, they didn't have a banana big enough to resemble Tank, so I had to buy this giant zucchini," she replied. I nearly fell over.

"Oh my God, Lula!"

"Funny, Tank just said that same thing last night."

Connie and I burst out laughing, trying not to imagine that scene.

"I think Ranger is probably closest to this size," I said, picking up the second smallest banana. He was actually a couple of inches bigger than that, but he deserved to suffer a little.

"Just to be sure, let's see how well it fits in my mouth." I was about an inch away from putting the banana in my mouth when my phone rang. I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

"You win," Ranger said, sounding pissed. And he hung up.

I grinned at Connie and Lula. "Message received. Let's go to lunch."

Ranger's POV

When Stephanie found out about the listening device in her Cayenne, I never thought she'd go to such lengths to get me to remove it.

The first day after I told her, I was sitting in my office reading reports from the night before when I heard a horrible screeching coming from the monitoring room. I went to check, thinking someone was being tortured at one of our accounts, to find Hal with his hands over his ears.

"What the hell is that?" I asked, barely restraining myself from covering my own ears.

"It's your girlfriend's singing," Hal replied. "It's horrible."

I had to agree. I also figured out what she was doing.

"Just turn down the volume somewhat," I told him and went back to my office, thinking I probably would owe Hal a bonus after today.

By the end of the day, Hal came to my office and told me if he had to listen to anymore of that tomorrow, he would quit. I told him I'd assign someone else the next day. Stephanie had seemed triumphant when she walked into my office that evening, but her smile faltered when I told her not to quit her day job.

The next day, Woody was assigned to listen to Stephanie's singing. He was good about being able to tune out undesirable noises, so I thought he'd be perfect for the job. Turns out, Woody can't ignore talk of spanking, flogging and Lula calling Tank for a nooner. He told me the next day that he would rather be water boarded than listen to another day of Fifty Shades of Grey. I told Tank that day that he would be assigned to the monitoring station the following day, and that he could turn on the camera and turn down the volume, so that he wouldn't be too horrified by what he would be hearing, but could tell if everything was ok in the car. I hadn't wanted to invade Stephanie's privacy, just keep her safe, but now it was a battle of wills.

On the third day, Tank sat watching the monitors and called me over after a while.

"Ranger, seriously, we need to stop this. They are talking about your and Stephanie's sex life and now they've stopped at a grocery store to buy bananas to determine how big your dick is. I can't stand this. I'd rather you shoot me now."

Tank and I watched in horror as Lula indicated a giant zucchini as similar in size to Tank's dick. I was mildly impressed and Tank looked equal parts smug and embarrassed. Stephanie was in a low cut, see through shirt and holding up a banana that was definitely smaller than my dick. She was about to give a visual demonstration of measuring it by pretending to give head when I called her cell phone.

"You win," I said, and hung up the phone.

I immediately turned off the car monitor for Stephanie's car and called my accountant. I owed everyone in the office a big bonus for the week.


End file.
